Funny Bones

 

The alarm rang out shrill and insistent. She reached over and touched the baleful loud cockerel figure on her screen. She smiled in half sleep. Stretched herself langorously before rolling over to hug the supine figure sleeping almost on the edge of the bed. ‘Again,’ she muttered before dragging him back to the middle of the bed. And he allowed himself to be dragged. 

‘Why do you sleep so far away?’

‘Let me sleep.’

‘Wake up. We are driving uphill today.’

‘I checked the weather forecast last night. Heavy rains expected.’

‘I checked it after you. The weather has cleared up.’

‘Ok. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you. Rath told me about the crawling traffic last summer.’ 

‘We have an expert Driver and we are going where there is not much traffic. Remember, we discussed all this last night?’

‘Ok, but I am not moving unless my tummy is clear.’

‘It will clear fast. Just get up. Not for nothing that I make you a bowlful of vegetables every night.’

‘Too many veggies make me gassy. Alright. Get me my tea first.’

‘Anybody would think you are menopausal and not me.’

Nisha was fifty four and Ashok was sixty two. Married for almost thirty years. She grimaced as she set her feet on the floor. She stretched both feet as she had been advised by her Orthopaedic cousin and stood up. She must remember to put the medicine bag in the suitcase. 

She put the water to boil and set out two mugs. Spooned coffee into her mug, a creamer sachet and poured the boiling water into her mug. 

‘We have so many tea bags from the last trip. Shall I make yours with a tea bag?’

‘No,’ he said quickly.

‘Why do you carry all those sachets home from hotels then? If it is this desi tea you must have everyday…’

She added two teaspoons of tea to the boilng water, added some milk, covered it to brew and shut the gas. 

‘You should have let it boil a little more. That’s why I like to make my own tea.’

‘Yeah, boil it so that the tannins are released for more gassiness.’ 

Grumbling she limped across to her favourite place in the balcony. Where the birds chirpped from among the dense greenery of the park. Their own balcony was full of old potted plants. Huge rubbers and palms which had lived the major part of their lives with them. Towering over her slightly podgy figure as she sat cross legged on a chair in the corner.  

He poured his cup and walked across to her. 

She burst into laughter at his woebegone face.

‘It is just 100km from here, AK. We are not going on a Space expedition.’

A reluctant half smile hovered on his lips.

‘Is our place any less than the place we are going to? Just look around. This place is like a mini Switzerland. So much money, energy and time wasted for nothing.’

‘Fine. Let’s cancel the trip. If it is so much of a problem. Let me call Viki Cabs.’ She picked up her phone.

‘No, no let it be. At least we will see that newly excavated site on the way.’

Nisha hid a smile. Ashok belonged to an old school of thought. At least he thought he did. Unless he ascribed prosaic reasons for doing something fun, he was uneasy. His biggest turn ons in life were apparent rationality and logic. Even sex had to have a reason, that of a workout or a sleep inducer. 

‘Go on, laugh at me. The ASI has declared it as a major finding. Would be nice to see that than all those mountains and snow.’

Three days later, the mountains loomed large before her. She sipped her coffee from a flask and took pictures of the rising sun. She sighed. So much beauty hurt somewhere. Cascading waterfalls, gurgling streams, snow covered peaks, apricot and cherry laden trees. She could live here forever.

‘Watch your step. This a dangerous trek. One slip and down we go rolling.’

‘No Sahib. These are not dangerous tracks. You can walk without any support. The tough ones are ahead. Where you will have to hold on to the rocks and climb.’

‘That’s it. We are not going further.’

‘It is just half a kilometre away. We have come so far. I am not going back. You sit here if you like.’

His mouth half open, eyes dilated,feet positioned awkwardly over the muddy track, one hand grasping the rock jutting out over his head while he glanced rather worriedly at the sloping undergrowth downhill. He did look funny at that moment. She had a mad impulse to laugh but she controlled herself seeing that the man was actually struggling with emotions. He was torn between the need to accompany her as well as justify the huge amount they had paid for this trek and the need to play safe as always. If they turned back from here, that would be a sheer waste. Also, he couldn’t allow her to go ahead alone. His role as caretaker and provider for his wife was too well ingrained in him to allow deviations. 

‘Alright. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.’

‘I won’t. Don’t worry.’

‘Give way, Sahib. There are people behind you.’

Their escort was a typical man of the hills. His face was wrinkled like some of the apples that had fallen off the trees, pinkish but creased and withered. He strode ahead of them and chatted non stop. Stories of tourists who had tumbled down the hill side only to be rescued hours later, all bruised and bleeding but safe. Stories of the past when real sahibs would hire him to carry their luggage while they went on inspection of dense forests. Red faced Englishmen in brown thick socks, boots and huge airy shorts and round rimmed hats. Ones who swore at them in English if they dawdled a bit and used a whip sometimes.

'Is he that old?' asked Nisha.

'The guy is fibbing. Telling stories of his grandfather maybe. You never understand the tricks people get up to. This is part of his marketing skill. Didn't you notice how he almost forced himself on us over the others? He is smart.' 

Soon they came upon a rundown shack. There were packets of Maggi noodles on display, a stove and a few pots and pans.

'This is my son, Rajesh, Sahib. He makes good pahadi tea. You must have some.'

Ashok gave Nisha one of his 'I told you so looks and frowned when she said, 'I want a cup.' The freshly brewed Pahadi tea, wafting unfamiliar aromatic spices was too good.

'Want some, Ashok?' 

'No,' he growled, taking the coffee flask from her, unscrewing the top.

‘Take it Sahib, it will do you good. The spices are good for the nerves.’

‘Nothing wrong with my nerves.’ He looked at Nisha slurping at the hot liquid and swallowed. ‘Ok, give me one also. We need to save the coffee. God knows how much longer it is.’

‘Make me one tea please’, said a voice from somewhere above them.’And some hot Maggi. I am hungry.’

Soon two long legs came into view and a man ducked his head into the shack. 

‘Hi,’ he said, Going up?’

Ashok nodded without a smile. 

‘First time?’ he asked, looking at Nisha.

Then 'Hey Nisha!'

'You don't recognise me? Of course, it's been so many years. We stayed behind your house. My sister was your friend. Rachita.'

Nisha's face was suffused with sheer joy. Of course she remembered Rachi and her brother Vishnu. Ashok was introduced and questions parried to and fro. 

Vishnu had lost his wife the previous year. He mentioned how she had had the travel bug in her and they would do the annual trip to this place religiously. He spoke without remorse or regret. Smiling all the while, gulping down the Maggi and washing it down with the tea.

Ashok watched the flitting emotions on Nisha's face. The way she threw back her head and laughed, the familiarity, the mention of common friends.

'I think we should make a move now. If we are to catch the setting sun.'

' Let's catch up again. Where are you staying?'

With much reluctance Ashok provided the name of the hotel and it was decided that they would meet the next day for lunch.

As they watched the sun set from a precarious top of a hill, it seemed an unbelievable sight. And to think that in all these years this was the first sunset that she was seeing.

'It is so beautiful.'

'It is. Let's turn back now.'

A few more minutes.'

'Sahib, you sit here for a few more minutes while I go and get my goat. I had left it to graze here in the morning. Will be back soon.'

He didn't stop to hear Ashok's protest. They saw him scurrying into the wilderness and then suddenly the sun disappeared behind the mountains.

Ashok was now swearing. As was his habit when he was stressed out. Choicest expletives. 

He suddenly started shouting after the vanished man. 

'Hey fellow, where are you? How will we go back alone? You must have some sense of responsibility, you know. Hey, where did the guy go? Do you think he has some goons hidden here? To make a fast buck out of our helplessness. Well, don't tell me I didn't warn you. Enjoy this crazy sunset now. What's the big deal about the sun and moon rising and setting anyway? All humbug! Hey man, where did you go?'

Nisha was trying to keep a straight face in the midst of all his hysterical rambling. In the dark she could imagine his face. Distraught and stricken with panic, jumping at every rustle in the undergrowth, beating his sling bag with both hands to signal distress to God knows who. He actually looked insane. Stammering and stuttering in anger and stress. 

She quietly took out the flash light in her bag and switched it on. Rummaged through her bag for a chocolate and quietly started eating it.

'Good. It was getting a little spooky.' 

She offered him a bite which he took a little shamefacedly. 

' Not safe these places.'

Nisha did not reply. Unscrewed the coffee flask, poured some into the cap and raised it towards him. He took it silently and sat down on the rock next to her. 

In a few minutes they heard sounds of the old man returning, admonishing his goat in mock tones for straying away. The walk down was easier even without the flashlight because the man knew every step like the back of his hand and soon they were back in the hotel. Comfortably under their quilts after a hot water bath and delicious dinner, she started giggling. 

‘Did you hear what the guy said while leaving?’

‘Huh.’

 The old man had gone away happily because Ashok tipped him generously.

His parting shot was, ' Sahib, what is that word youngsters say these days? They use it all the time to each other, while clambering up the mountains. Yes, it is ‘Chill.’ He grinned and left.

Ashok looked at her sheepishly but retorted in mock anger, ‘Yes, like that Vishnu friend of yours. Chilling all the time. Eating Maggi in the middle of nowhere, discussing his wife’s death like it were the last earthquake in Bhuj. As distant and remote. I can’t be like that.’

‘Ok, so you will cry when I die?’

‘Yes, when I see your sarees in the wardrobe. Such a waste.’

He was laughing now at her shocked face and warding off her angry blows.

‘They got me married to a crazy man.’

‘Not half as crazy as some men I can name.’ They dozed off laughing and talking about anecdotes of the past.

Later the next day, Vishnu sat drumming restless fingers on his beer mug. Ashok offered a refill and said, ‘ You come here every year?’

‘It used to be every year when my wife was alive. I stopped after she died. Could not bear the thought of coming without her. This year was the fiftieth anniversary of our first meeting. She lived on the other side of my house.’

‘Sushila?’ asked Nisha in shock. The laughing and beautiful face swam before her.

‘Yes. Came to throw her ashes at the summit of the mountain. I was coming down from there when I met you guys.’

‘No children?’ asked Nisha

‘A son who I have never seen since she died. Who blames me for her death.’

‘Why?’ The anguished cry from Nisha.

‘Well, she died before I could arrange money for her treatment. I have never been very stable, you see. Changing jobs too often. Living for the day. No fat bank balance. Carpe diem has been my motto.’ Vishnu gave an odd short laugh and shook his head.

Months later, Nisha opened the door to a huge bouquet of flowers. The kinds she loved most. Red roses with sticks of white fragrant tube roses. With a huge box of chocolates inside. She stared in amazement at the sender’s name. ‘Happy Thirtieth from Ashok’ in the unfamiliar hand of the florist.

‘I told the guy to deliver at twelve in the night. Paid him extra for that. Why are you late?’ He had joined her at the door and was interrogating the mumbling delivery boy. While the boy was explaining something about the order details getting deleted, Nisha said a polite ‘thank you’ to him and shut the door.

She whirled around and said, ‘First time in thirty years!! What on earth was that?’ 

‘Well, just in case you die on me someday.’ he said, laughing while trying to disengage himself from her hug.

‘So, who are the invitees for the party tonight? The pile ons, the free loaders out for a free dinner…’

‘No, party, no people. Raj will reach by early evening.. You can watch cricket and have dinner at home.’  

‘Is Raj driving himself? The traffic is bad there. He will get late. He had better take the train.’

‘Uffff, AK! Just chill.’

‘Ok, don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.’

She grimaced and pushed him towards the bathroom, handing him his towel while she made for the kitchen.